Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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