You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
