yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
