haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
