whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
