I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This baby is an asshole
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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