i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
