I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
