need another drink. this is the easiest way
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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