just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
