I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
