Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
