I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
