I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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