no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
