i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
