10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I will be naked everywhere
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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