I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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