Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
