I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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