he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
