It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
