she was so not down for the gang bang
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
