I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
