you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
