Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
