If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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