i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
