Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
