If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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