My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
