I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize