How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
