Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
