Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How's work?
Spinning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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