im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
