Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
