I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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