let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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