K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
