you traded sex for a burrito?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
