somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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