Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
