i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize