I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
