dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
