I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize