Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
