hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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