Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
