i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
