Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
