No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
