i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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