i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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