True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Randomize
