I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
