I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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