mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
