1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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