i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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