bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Everything about him screamed your future.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
