Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
