Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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