she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
