Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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