Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
