you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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