Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
