just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think a kid would responsible me up
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
