last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize